Throughout my life I have been labeled a lot of things, but only accurately diagnosed with a couple. Now, I realize that discussing this topic that I am about to talk about among those that follow my husband and I in our faith based ministries is deemed widely unpopular and unnecessary. But you know what? It's ok. This article is not for them. Nor is it for the faint of heart. Because, this article discusses a a particular subject that is solely intended for helping those who have been through the same or similar situations that I have been in.
As many of you know from my previous blogs I have been through a tremendous amount of trauma over recent months and years. In 2018 I lost my oldest sister to a overdose. Which really shook me to my core. On top of which my husband was diagnosed with an exceedingly rare disorder that causes leukemia and the stress over the past year of having to try to find an experienced hospital, not to mention letting go of our precious fur-babies and move to a city over a thousand miles away- that was in fact the icing on the cake.
Anyway, as a child back in the 80's I was told that I was "different" or "special" because I was delayed in walking, speaking, and yes even remembering things. I did not fit in with the normal kids and that was very obvious to me. No matter how hard I tried, I was never fast enough on exams or good enough at any thing that I tried to apply myself to in school or in life. And what I have become good at has taken many years of trial and error. Anyway, in elementary school the doctors diagnosed me with ADD and immediately put me on ritalin along with every other child in school in that day, not knowing that it would only slow me down worse. Because, I was in fact not attention deficit at all.
And though, everything appeared normal about me on the outside by the time I was 21. The scars of my past both known and unknown were still there when I met the most amazing gentleman. And ladies, I mean he is a true gentleman. I thank God for him every second of every day. He is my happiest thought, my happiest memory. There has never been a moment over the past 20 years of marriage that he has not been there for me and supported me on my trials and errors as I continued to challenge and expand myself. When I first married him, I could barely read and I did not know why except that I was told that it was ADD.
Well, almost a year ago as I was facing the biggest decisions of mine and my husband's life a woman told me that I was about to go through some stuff, but that I would come through it changed for the better. For which I must say, "if she only knew." Because, in the most trying point of my life where I almost lost my most cherished memories. It turned out I did lose my memory or parts of it. And after seeing several specialist in Manhattan they determined that I (in fact) did not have ADD but rather something that often masquerades itself as ADD. It's called Dissociative Amnesia. Fortunately for me the symptoms are mild and localized compared to some.
Now you may be asking, what caused this problem? Well, the truth is that I don't remember. And in truth (from what I have been told by doctors) children who grow up in unstable homes or that have any amount of trauma that happens to them as children are more likely to develop DA than those who grow up in stables homes, it is often times what makes them resilient in overcoming their circumstances. In my case, even though I suffer with this, I have overcome so much just to be able to write to you today. Not to mention the fact that I am now attending a university and conquering one class at a time. And even though these mountains that I have faced in my life were in fact giants, I am of the opinion that nothing is impossible for those that believe. Nor will I let those giants affect me ever again.
Friends, I hope that you are encouraged by this today and it is my prayer that you will discover the source of this same strength in your own life.